Eureka no Mahou Sensei
by Shadow Crystal Mage
Summary: With the recent change in management, things have been hectic in Eureka. Things have slipped. That’s the only thing Jack can think of to blame for why he’s picking up a British ten year-old when he’s asked to meet with Eureka’s new English teacher.
1. A Little Fucked Up Town Called Eureka

A/N: Happens between episodes 4 and 5 of season 2, Eureka timeline-wise. In the Negima timeline, this is about a month after Chao's plan, before the Negima club thing. A weird thought that's been gestating since I read **Lathis**' _**Eureka**_. Enjoy and try not to burn me for not working on my Potter fics…

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Eureka no Mahou Sensei

by Shadow Crystal Mage

Chapter 1: A Little (Fucked Up) Town Called Eureka…

Disclaimer: Negima is not mine. It belongs to the high god of ecchi-ness, Ken Akamatsu-sama. Eureka isn't mine either.

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Allison Blake gave the pile in front of her a dirty look. It would have taken deep ground penetrating radar to detect the microscopic smidgeon of guilt hidden under the strata of ill will. Since taking the job and all the hundreds of little headaches that came with it, she now had a greater appreciation for why her ex-husband had been more of an arrogant, annoying, insufferable, irritable, stick-shoved-so-far-up-his-butt-it-should-be-coming-out-of-his-mouth, pricky little bastard. They were little headaches that added to a migraine greater than the sum of their parts. If she wasn't such a well-balanced, responsible, nurturing individual with a kid to take care, she half-suspected she'd be well on her way to some sort of substance abuse problem.

The Urban Development Department was pretty much what Eureka had for city hall, without the legislature. It took care of the water, fuel, electricity, traffic management, as well as some of the more mundane services like the groceries, auto supplies, etc. It also ran Eureka's public school, senior's home, managed and maintained the town's small cemetery and chapel facilities and would have made the trains run on time if the town had any trains, the mayor not withstanding.

It also answered directly to Allison in the absence of a mayor. Compared to the other departments, the paperwork they sent her way was relatively small– that it only took a tree or two worth of paperwork instead of an whole forest– and because it was seldom as important as, say, whatever new-fangled weapon/program/disaster to give Carter grief/gizmo the military wanted tested ASAP, she'd kept pushing it back for later. This also seemed to have been the policy of her predecessors. Zoe Carter's transfer papers to the local school glared accusingly from the top of the pile.

She might have let it slip today, too, except that they were expecting a new recruit for GD. Since she was under-aged, not to mention foreign, getting her allowed to legally work in the country required paperwork that had inevitably involved the UDD.

Deciding to bite the bullet, Allison took a deep breath and dived into the paperwork…

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_Stark painfully rose to his knees. His right repulsor was gone, his helmet was torn off, and his lift thrusters were off-line…_

_Shit._

"_Got to hand it to you, Stark," Fargo said as his dull metal suit opened up, revealing the evil, traitorous bastard inside. "You make good work. You're a genius…"_

_Stark grit his teeth. He only had on chance left. He stood up…_

…and the phone began to ring.

Grumbling, Stark checked the time. He'd almost gotten to the part where he clocked Fargo one. It was the middle of the night. Who'd call…?

The phone rang three more times before he finally picked it up. "_**What?**_"

"What the hell is this about a new English teacher?" Allison said.

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Sheriff Carter was having what was pretty much a good week. So far, no one had died, nothing had been stolen, nothing was out to end the world and, most importantly, there was only one of Nathan Stark running around.

Carter took a brief moment of prayer thanking whoever was listening that that was the case and begging that it never change.

It never hurts to be careful.

The deity might have heard him, and this was the price for his request, or maybe the universe thought his break was over. That might explain the call from Allison when he got to the office.

"You want me to pick up an _English teacher_?" he said incredulously. Even for Eureka that was… off.

"Apparently his paperwork was filed with the UDD couple of months ago. I only just found out. We can't spare anyone else, so you'll have to do it," Allison said.

"I'm a sheriff, not an errand boy. What if something happens while I'm gone?"

"Carter, I'm sure the town can survive without you for a few hours. Don't worry, it'll still be standing when you get back."

And if it wasn't, at least he wouldn't be in the blast radius. Jack relented, got his keys, and drove…

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Hakase Satomi exited the bus carrying her meager luggage. It contained what could barely be called two changes of clothes and her toothbrush. Girl had to keep her priorities straight, after all…

Behind her, Chachamaru stepped down, her ear antennas covered by her hooded sweater. The gynoid girl immediately went to where they were bringing out the luggage and deftly picked up Satomi's ridiculously heavy trunk, which contained her personal notes, and equipment as well as a few parting gifts from their classmates at Mahora.

The scientist smiled fondly as she recalled the going-away party the class had thrown when they'd heard she'd be leaving for an indefinite length of time, her and Chachamaru. The excuse given had been a student-exchange program, since they very well couldn't say "got head-hunted by the top research and development company in the WORLD to work as a highly paid researcher and developer."

Well… 'paid', anyway…

She was glad the school had agreed to let her go, given her involvement with Chao's plan barely a month ago, though she wasn't so naïve as to assume they weren't still watching her somehow. She was sure this place must have wizards too, and that they'd be watching her. Well, let them watch. She was here to do science till she her eyes popped out.

Chachamaru was coming along as an example of her work, though she sure as heck wouldn't be turning her over to GD. Evangeline had made it perfectly clear how… 'displeased'… she would be if anything happened to Chachamaru.

Satomi knew the vampire was a bigger sap that she pretended to be.

A plain black SUV with the triangular logo of Global Dynamics was waiting in the parking lot as she and Chachamaru walked out, with a man who might be taken for a driver by a blind man, but was clearly military in a bad suit, holding a sign with her name on it. A dark-skinned woman stood nearby.

"Miss Hakase?" the woman said. "I'm Allison Blake, head of GD. How was your trip?"

"Long, boring and painful," Satomi said cheerfully. "When do I get to go back to doing science, Miss Blake?"

Blake laughed. "Soon. We're still preparing your lab to your specifications. Is this it?"

Chachamaru gave no reaction to the objectification as she loaded Satomi's trunk in the back of the SUV, but Satomi felt a small twinge of indignation on her behalf anyway. Since the revelation of Chachamaru's evolution, that had been happening a lot when strangers made the mistake of treating Chachamaru like a thing. However, now was not the time to lay in on her new boss. Time for that later. She had _some_ people skill's after all. "Yes, this is Chachamaru, and not even the tip of the iceberg of the results of my research," she said proudly. Quite true, although she knew better than to mention the spider tanks, flying drones and stripper beams. She'd watched enough action movies to know it was always a bad idea to give Americans new weapons.

Blake looked at Chachamaru, who was now standing behind Satomi with her hands folded in front of her. "Hello, Miss Blake," she said, smiling pleasantly and, if Satomi knew her, sincerely. "I am Chachamaru Karakuri. It's a pleasure to meet you."

Blake nodded in greeting, likely more out of habit than anything else. Satomi could already see her regarding Chachamaru as not part of the conversation. Well, they could change that soon enough. Chachamaru was no Negi-sensei, but she _did_ posses a charm that was all her own that was just as effective in getting people to like her…

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Negi Springfield got down from the bus, very glad there hadn't been any embarrassing sneezing episodes. It wasn't that long ago– barely a year– when he'd arrived in a new country, to a town he'd never heard of before, with no friends, and only the clothes on his back, his staff and his backpack to his name, to become an English teacher.

Granted, he wasn't in the town yet, and this time he also had the big suitcase of stuff everyone had given him, but still it was so very close to how he'd come to Mahora. Childish excitement swept over him as he looked around. The bus terminal was busy, people either rushing to be somewhere or doing important, needful things, and everyone was going in different directions, but it reminded him a lot of the school rush he'd been caught in when he'd first arrived to teach. That was when he'd met Asuna and Konoka, too…

For the nth time, he checked his breast pocket, making sure all the Pactio Cards were still there. Given the distance between him and everyone the cards connected to, their purpose was more for comfort than protection, but that was enough.

Dragging out his heavy suitcase from where they were unpacking the bus and politely waving away the offered assistance of all the adults who cooed at him and offered to help, Negi looked around. He was supposed to be picked up by the school people of the town he was going to. He hoped they remembered, otherwise he'd be stuck here.

He wondered why the school faculty had sent _him_ to America, instead of an older, more experienced and, let's face it, old enough to actually look like they posses a teacher's license. Takamichi had told him that it had been a seniority thing, but he'd remembered some of the other teacher's looking a bit disappointed at the announcement. Clearly, _they_ had wanted to come in his place. The Headmaster had said he should look at it as a working vacation before he had to go back and deal with Finals week, but that didn't sound right either. Were they just trying to get rid of him?

He thought about it and shook his head. Nah, that couldn't be right…

Carrying his heavy suitcase along with a casual strength he didn't really notice anymore, Negi went to look for his ride to Eureka…

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"Headmaster, are you sure it was such a good idea to send Negi away?" Miss Shizuna said.

Old man Konoe nodded. "It will do him good. Takamichi said he's been taking what happened with Chao badly, and a trip like this is just the thing to clear his head. No matter how much he angsts, he _is _still a child. Excitement's going to get the better of him eventually."

"True," Shizuna said. "But I was actually more worried about the student's reactions to his departure. Knowing 3-A, they might become impossible…"

"Not to worry!" the headmaster said. "I've arranged a replacement…"

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In 3-A…

"Hi! I'm Hinako sensei and I want a lollipop! Are any of you delinquents?"

As class 3-A reacted predictably to having another child teacher almost as cute as their usual one, Chisame started to repeatedly bang her head on her desk. "What is it with the faculty and child teachers…?"

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With the recent change in management, things have been hectic in Eureka. Things have slipped. That's the only thing Jack can think of to blame for why he's picking up a British ten year-old in the bus terminal.

"Are you Negi Springfield?" Jack asks hesitantly, looking at the little kid with the big stick and suitcase.

"That's my name," the kid confirmed.

Jack wondered whether he should argue the point…

Bah! Let the eggheads at GD sort it out.

"Car's this way," he said.

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**- To be continued...**

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A/N: So, what do you think?

I wonder how long I can keep giving Stark Iron Man dreams?

Please review, C&C welcome.

Until next time, this is Shadow, signing off.


	2. Moving In…

A/N: This is going to be something new to me, as it'll rehash a lot of Eureka episodes rather than go with it's own plot. My own plot idea is rather half-baked and full of plot holes right now, so don't expect to see it any time soon. Please be understanding…

On another note, while I am an enthusiastic Chachamaru/Negi shipper (though I have yet to find one doujin out there with this), I'm also enthusiastic about his ending up with any of the core girls– that is, Ala Alba– so don't expect any sudden revelations of non-platonic affection in this story…

To the best of my ability, however, there will be gratuitous fan service.

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Eureka no Mahou Sensei

by Shadow Crystal Mage

Chapter 2: Moving In…

Disclaimer: Negima is not mine. It belongs to the high god of ecchi-ness, Ken Akamatsu-sama. Eureka isn't mine either.

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Allison had just sent Miss Hakase off to where she'd be living for the moment when Carter's jeep rolled up the driveway. It rolled to a stop, but it was a minute before the Sheriff stepped out. He walked around the vehicle, his stride telling Allison that he'd been thrown off by something.

"Allie, what do you know about the new English teacher you asked me to pick up?" Jack said without any preamble.

"Why? Did he manage to murder someone already?" Allison replied. "According to the paperwork, he's from the same town as Miss Hakase and is a junior member of the middle-school English department. He's supposed to be popular with the students and– why are you laughing?"

It was actually closer to a snort of disbelief that had mutated into a kind of giggling, but Jack wasn't about to argue the definition. "Oh, he's a junior member all right."

Turning towards his jeep, now snickering a little, Jack waved for his passenger to come out. The person who did was a lot shorter than anyone Allison was expecting.

"Hello, I'm Negi Springfield," the boy said with possibly the cutest English accent Allison had ever heard. He seemed about to bow but stopped himself, instead holding out his hand. "I'm the new English teacher. Is this Tesla High?"

"Your problem now," Jack said, turning away with a smirk as he went back to his jeep while Allison shook the boy's hand in a daze.

"Carter!" Allison called out.

"Your problem now!" Jack repeated, pulling out a big suitcase, then quickly getting inside and driving away before Allison could order him back.

"Are you the principal?" Negi asked innocently.

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Allison had Negi wait in the lobby while she went to her office to figure this out. After much calling, yelling at Stark and another headache, Allison was finally able to ascertain that, yes, Negi Springfield _was_ the English teacher they were supposed to be expecting.

She just couldn't get an answer as to _why_.

Still, the paperwork checked out, complete with the permit Negi would need to work in the US as a minor. She'd wondered about that the first time. Now it wasn't so surprising.

Now came the problem as to where they'd house him. Ordinarily, they'd let him stay in staff housing, but given he was a minor, that was highly irresponsible. She'd need to house him with an adult, someone trustworthy, someone who was responsible– which ruled out 99.9 percent of the town's population right then and there…

Thinking about it, she smiled innocently, the kind of smile that said she was guilty as sin.

…so that meant she had to put him with the remaining 00.1 percent.

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Jack looked at the kid outside his door and barely stifled the urge to swear in front of a minor. "Um, hey kid," he said. He looked at one of the tall, suit-wearing, probably military guys GD had for drivers. Tseng looked slightly amused at the situation– at least, his lips were tilted a bit more up than usual. "Why is he here?"

"Director Blake has decided it would be irresponsible to leave Mr. Springfield alone in staff housing," Tseng said. "She's therefore assigning you the job of housing him during the duration of his stay in Eureka."

"Miss Blake told me to give you this sheriff," Negi said, handing him a folded note.

Warily, Jack unfolded the sheet of paper.

**Your problem now.**

There was also a cute little smiley face sticking its tongue out at him.

"'Scuse me," Jack said, heading for the phone.

Allie's number had barely rung once when she picked up. "Your problem now," she said smugly, and promptly hung up.

Jack gave the phone a dirty look. He liked Allie, he really did, but that woman sure could be a bitch sometimes.

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This was a very strange house. Given that Negi had been in the girl's dorm in Mahora, Ayaka's mansion and both Evangeline's cabin and resort, not to mention Albeiro's– he could almost _feel_, across an ocean and several hundred miles, the man deliberately ignoring his existence– um, _K__ū__:nel Sanders_' mage retreat under the library, that was saying a lot.

SARAH seemed really nice, though.

"Would you like more milk Mr. Springfield?" SARAH asked.

"No thank you SARAH," Negi said, sitting on a stool in the kitchen where the sheriff had told him to wait while he made more calls. "And please, call me Negi. I'm really not used to people calling me 'Mister'."

As SARAH made a note of this preference, Negi looked at Sheriff Carter, who was on the far side of the room and talking furiously into a phone. "I hope I'm not being a bother. Sheriff Carter looks annoyed."

"He gets like that about work. It's nothing personal," SARAH said.

When the sheriff finally put down the phone in a gesture that was both frustrated and defeated, Negi sat up a little straighter, hoping to make a good impression. He had a hanky palmed in his hand. Asuna had been _very_ insistent he not have any sneezing incidents like last time.

"Uh, well it looks like you're staying here," Sheriff Carter said a little lamely, then muttered something that sounded like 99 percent. "Normally we'd have you stay at Beverly's, but she's been out of town for while, and the higher ups think I'm the only one responsible enough for you to stay with."

"I'm sorry for being a bother Sheriff," Negi said, though a little part of him was excited. He was getting to stay with an actual Sheriff! He didn't think America still had those anymore! "If you like, I'll ask Miss Blake to let me stay somewhere else. I'm used to living alone."

That made the sheriff blink. "Hey, hey, no need for that, it's all right for you to stay. You're what, twelve?"

"Ten," Negi said. Huh, that was the first time someone had though he was _older_ than he looked.

"You're ten, you're an English teacher and you're used to living alone?" the Sheriff said, sounding a bit disbelieving. This time he muttered something about social services, though he couldn't be sure. It was hard understanding Americans, what with their funny accent and all. "You're not a genius are you? Because if you were, you'd fit right in around here."

Negi shook his head. "No, I'm pretty sure I'm not a genius. I wasn't too good at math. I just did really well at school and graduated early. I barely got my teaching license, though. I was on probation for six months."

"Exactly when did you get you license?" Sheriff Carter asked.

"Oh, just last year," Negi said.

The sheriff stared at him, then shook his head. "Uh, well, I guess you can stay in the guest room upstairs. Here, let me show you."

Turning to pick Negi's suitcase, the Sheriff began to lug it up the stairs. "So, what made you decide to be a teacher?"

"Well, um, my guidance counselor recommended it…"

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The house that they were taken too looked like something out of 'The Stepford Wives' (Satomi didn't really like that movie. They didn't show the robots enough!). A clean, well-kept lawn, a square, shingle-roofed house, a mailbox out front. Satomi was nearly disappointed there was no white picket fence as well.

"Here we are Miss Hakase," the tall black man, Rude if she remembered correctly, said. How anyone could possibly think he was anything but a soldier in a suit, Satomi had no idea.

"Thanks for the ride," Satomi said as she bounced out of the car. Chachamaru was already picking up the trunk from the back of the car. The SUV rose visibly as she did so.

Satomi opened the small cardboard box Blake had given her, fishing out a ring of keys. She tried each out on the front door and eventually got the right one.

The interior of the house had been pre-furnished, and of much better quality then the dorm rooms in Mahora. The floor was carpeted, everything was coordinated in a tasteful-yet-bland hotel kind of way, and the kitchen was stocked, though they'd have to go to the grocery in a couple of days, since it wasn't stocked much.

None of that mattered to Satomi, however. There was only one room she wanted to see.

She checked.

YES! Score! The basement was one big room, the water heater and fuse box conveniently to one side, close to the door, but that didn't matter. Heavy duty wiring! She had a lab!

With a smile of unholy glee, she and Chachamaru started setting up her personal equipment. What self-respecting mad scientist didn't have a personal mad-scientist lab? She was in heaven! This was bliss! This was an ecstatic, orgasmic ecstasy! She had finally found the Promised Land! She had come home! She–

"Hakase, don't forget you have to attend school tomorrow," Chachamaru reminded her as they set up.

– cursed society and it's ageist laws about mandatory school attendance that kept her away from her dear, sweet, orgasmic science!-!-!-!-!-!-!

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When Zoe Carter returned to number 3 Coriolis Drive, she found her dad and a little kid in a shirt and tie eating dinner.

"Hey Zoe," her dad said, gesturing towards the kid, who'd turned towards with a smile. "This is Negi Springfield. Allie's having him live with us for the next couple of months."

"Nice to meet you, Zoe," the kid said. He had a weird accent, British or something.

"He's not a new scientist or anything, is he?" Zoe asked. You could never be sure around here…

"No, definitely not," her dad said.

"Work related?"

"No."

"Then why…?"

"He's got no place else to stay and Allie doesn't think anyone is 'responsible' enough to take care of him."

"Dinner, Zoe?" SARAH asked.

The kid– Negi– blinked. "Work related?"

Jack sighed. "You'll find out after you've been here a while…"

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The following day was a first for Negi. He'd never been driven to school before. "Does this jeep have a siren?" Negi asked, leaning forward from the back seat. After all, the sheriff was a police officer, right? So that meant they got to have sirens in their car, right?

"Yeah, but it's for emergencies only," Sheriff Carter said. "I don't want people to think I sound it off just cause I feel like it."

Negi's face fell. An outside observer would have found it really cute, in a depressing sort of way, the way his lips pouted like that.

The sheriff sighed and pressed a button on the dashboard. Immediately, the klaxon of the siren sounded through from outside. Negi grinned widely, leaning forward some more as if he could actually see the speaker outside.

After about fifteen seconds the sheriff shut it off.

"Aww…"

"Don't push it," Carter said dryly.

Sighing, Negi leaned back, then hastily adjusted his staff to keep it from falling. He was sure people wondered about that, but so far no one had said anything about it yet.

The sheriff pulled up just short of the high school. Zoe got out and Negi scrambled after her. Slipping his bag over his shoulder, he waved good bye to the sheriff, thanking him for the ride, before running after the blonde girl. As they came close to the entrance he slowed almost to a stop, however.

Since when could schools afford hologram signs? He thought only Chao and Hakase– and maybe the Mahora engineering clubs– had the technology to make those.

He found himself staring a little too long, however, and suddenly realized he couldn't see Zoe anywhere. Tesla High wasn't as spacious as he was used to, and as always, everyone was much taller than him, making it hard to spot people. Sighing, he resigned himself to trying to wade his way through the rush and breathing through his mouth.

It took several tries to get directions to the administrative offices. People seemed to assume he was either a student or looking for the preschool. After several months in Mahora, people there had gotten used to his presence, but it looked like he'd be starting all over again here.

He wondered how long the short jokes would last this time…

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It was a nice, normal day in Eureka. So far, no one had died, nothing had been stolen, and there was only one of everybody running around.

Well, that everyone knew of, anyway.

Jack waited at a traffic light, willing the light to change by shear force of squint. He'd once, for a short time, briefly considered asking Henry to put a remote control in his jeep that would let him change the lights at will, but he hadn't wanted the power to go to his head. Besides, it wasn't like traffic was horrible here, anyway. There were only a few cars, robots walking dogs, a few kids biking, hoverboarding, or even just _walking_ to school…

Sheriff Carter blinked as what looked like a girl in rocket-powered rollerblades carrying another girl streaked past through the intersection.

"I _reeeaaalllyyyy_ hope I don't have to investigate that one…" he muttered to himself as the light changed…

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**- To be continued...**

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A/N: Something that people seem to keep overlooking in fiction is that Negi is not a natural-born Japanese speaker. He's from– or at least grew up in the area of – Wales, and probably has an accent to match. Just something I'm going to make a note of for this fic…

As I have no idea how teachers get licensed, much less what sort of BS had to happen for Negi to get his, I'm not really going to expound on those details. What's the point?

Negi's a bit more youthful in this fic then in canon, but I figure he's repressing. After all, when he got the time machine from Chao, the first thing he wanted to do was go see dinosaurs…

Oh, all appearances are to be taken as either cameos or in-jokes for now. I'm only planning to cross one other series into this story, and when I do it'll be very obvious. GD as a precursor to the evil of Shin-Ra? _Please_, do I look that obvious?

Though Carter getting turned into Sephiroth might be cool…

And because I have no way to stop myself, I've recently decided to make one of the Eureka cast a mage. Story-wise, they're the one who's supposed to keep an eye on Hakase and the reason Negi got into Eureka's paperwork. Try to guess who before I write them in. And I say 'them' because I have no intention of even providing a gender. Guess!

Again, sorry for no HP, but my muse just isn't into it right now…

Please review, C&C welcome.

Until next time, this is Shadow, signing off.


	3. On Forms, Delegation and…

A/N: Enjoy!

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Eureka no Mahou Sensei

by Shadow Crystal Mage

Chapter 3: On Forms, Delegation and Continuing Research…

Disclaimer: Negima is not mine. It belongs to the high god of ecchi-ness, Ken Akamatsu-sama. Eureka isn't mine either.

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There were times when Satomi wondered if Evangeline had added a little something extra to Chachamaru without telling her– how else could she explain that fact that, unless they were told, people assumed that Chachamaru was just another human, despite her ear antenna and the fact that _her joints were completely exposed_! The only people who'd noticed back in Mahora were Chisame and Chamo, though she wouldn't put it past Mana and Setsuna to have caught on as well.

Case in point: when they'd arrived at school, sliding to a controlled stop right in front of the doors, no one had really commented, beyond a few questions as to what their rollerblades' power source was. The fact they were new students caused more comment. She had Chachamaru deal with all the trivialities and minutiae of making sure they were expected. That's the nice thing about having a robotic assistant. They don't get bored and they seldom get writer's cramp from all those signatures (she'd already given her the upgrade to fix that one).

Now they were trying to find their way to their classroom. Chachamaru was in the lead, as her GPS was more reliable than checking the rooms numbers around them against the map they were given to find their way. It was a good thing they had the same schedule, or Satomi would have gotten lost.

The two were so caught up in trying to reach their destination, they didn't notice the tall, bandage-wrapped stick moving through the crowd towards the way they had come…

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On the plus side, girls in America seemed less prone to randomly cooing, hugging, pinching and generally molesting little boys than their Japanese counterparts. That was why Negi was only stopped seven times instead of the twenty he'd figured he would be and made it sooner to the principal's office than expected.

He lost about ten minutes being fawned over by the secretaries and other faculty staff before he could show his paperwork. After being made to wait while phone calls were made to determine that, yes, this _wasn't_ a joke of some sort, a bemused principal went about telling him his schedule and trying to look cool as she tried to decide whether or not to ask about his staff.

Which was how he found himself standing in front of a classroom with a new class list, lesson plan, and a feeling of impending doom, students looking at him curiously as they slipped inside. It wasn't until this moment that he'd realized a serious lack in his teaching experience.

There were BOYS in this school.

He didn't know how to deal with boys, except maybe in a fight, or maybe a faculty meeting! Girls were easy! Stay in front of the class, never turn your back for too long, don't let them take off all your clothes, never look when they ultimately got naked for one reason or another and never, _ever_ get involved with them, confessions, kissing and stripping be damned! Dealing with boys sounded much harder, though the last three rules probably still applied.

Bloody hell.

Taking a deep breath as the bell rang, he pushed open the door. The class quieted down as he entered, but a buzz of confusion rose instantly. He looked up at the blackboard. Damn, he missed that stepping stool the class rep had given him back home. Maybe he could learn to walk on stilts. They had stilts in America, right?

Setting his bag on the desk and turning to face the class, he smiled a little nervously. "Good morning, class. My name is Negi Springfield, and I'll be your new English teacher."

Naturally, confusion ensued.

No one learned much about English that day…

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There are some things so deeply ingrained into human nature it bypasses mere genetics, DNA and conditioning. One is that weird information is immediately passed on, perhaps in the hope of it reaching someone who will finally make sense of it.

Einstein was also wrong. There are things that can go faster than light. Rumor is one of them.

Thus, by lunchtime, the whole school knew about the child teacher. There was, inevitably, only one possible conclusion.

"NEGI-SENSEI!"

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That day had only been of only middling weirdness for Carter. Besides the girls rocket-rollerblading down the streets, there'd been an explosion at Henry's garage (he was still working on antigravity, though it had been a while since he'd had one of those…), and somebody called to complain that there had been loud noises around the Kobe household again. For a family of geeky computer programmers, they sure had a lot of those.

Still, any day with only one of Nathan Stark running around and no need to evacuate the town– again– was always pleasant.

Again, Jack gave thanks to whatever deity was responsible for making sure there was only one of Stark running around.

Then he got the phone call from the high school about a child-molester being on the loose.

Jo had never seen her boss move so fast. And carrying her biggest guns, too.

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Negi wondered what it was about him that made the universe keep threatening to get him fired on the first day of a job.

He'd been very surprised when, come the dismissal bell, Hakase and Chachamaru had suddenly appeared as if from nowhere. Very pleasantly surprised, since he thought he wouldn't be seeing anyone from 3A for months. While Chachamaru had merely bowed demurely at him, as his cousin had taught him proper young ladies should, Hakase had apparently been as glad to see him as he was, and had been properly enthusiastic in the best traditions of Mahora junior high class 3A. There had been squee-ing, manhandling, hugging, almost groping and general excitement.

For some reason, all this PDA, which would have gone pretty much unremarked in Mahora, had prompted some conscientious students to go scurrying to the faculty, reporting someone was molesting a child.

Huh. Who would have figured…

Then things had gotten… buggered.

It seemed that the normal bias in this case was that, logically, it would be the teachers who might be molesting the students. The principal, aghast at the thought that Eureka's practically spotless record in that area of crime might be besmirched in her own school, had immediately rushed to the scene of the crime– and found Negi and Hakase, still chatting away enthusiastically.

While they'd laughed at the misunderstanding and tried to explain, the principal, a creature of habit at heart, had reverted to instinct, and had them come to her office. They'd barely sat down and begun to explain what they'd been doing when Sheriff Carter had rushed in, carrying some of the biggest guns they'd ever seen outside of a summer blockbuster movie or the Mahora Mages Versus Martians battle and wanting to know if anything had happened to his daughter.

Negi tried to sit still and look innocent– which was still pretty easy for him– as Hakase explained how they knew each other, nodding affirmatively and answering as needed. He really hoped they didn't make a case out of this. Just contemplating how much paperwork he'd have to sign, not to mention the legal hassles, made his hand cramp in pre-emptive pain and gave him a headache.

He was wondering, half-apprehensive and half-excited, if the sheriff would have to lock him up in jail– he'd never been in a sheriff's jail before!– when Hakase pulled out her laptop and gestured to Chachamaru, who'd come with them. Chachamaru immediately stepped forward and raised her hand. One of her fingers opened, revealing an interface connector.

That shocked Negi back to himself. "Chachamaru! What are you doing?"

Everyone blinked and stared at him. Hakase frowned at him. "She's just going to download her log data into my laptop to show that nothing was going on, Negi-sensei," she said, adding the honorific out of habit. Then she smiled that wide, creepy smile of a mad scientist that somehow made her look creepy-cute. "Unless you really want to sign enough forms to want to get a new hand?"

Negi cradled his hand unconsciously and shuddered at the thought of all that paperwork.

Sheriff Carter looked at Chachamaru up and down, staring intently at her knees, elbows and every joint on her hands. He turned to Hakase. "Robot?" he asked, sounding a bit tired.

Negi stared at him.

Hakase grinned at him. "My best work to date!" she said proudly.

The sheriff nodded in a tired sort of way. "Any chance she's going to go all Terminator on us?"

"Which movie?" Hakase asked, smiling that wide, mad-scientist smile that had nerd-boys drooling all over her back at Mahora (the fact she kept leaving her panties lying around the labs helped too…).

The sheriff sighed as the principal watched the footage Chachamaru had seen through her eyes. While quite… enthusiastic on Hakase's part, it wasn't child molestation… barely.

Negi's mind struggled to work for him again. "Uh, I don't suppose we can talk you into keeping the fact Chachamaru's a robot secret, could we?"

Everyone blinked again, now looking at each other. "He knows what this place is about, doesn't he?" Hakase said.

"Nope," the sheriff said. "Well, it's not my problem any more. You need a ride home kid?"

"What are you all talking about?" Negi asked, confused.

Hakase sighed. She sometimes wondered who in their mixed class of vampires with Springfield-complexes, shota-cons without scruples, loli-con nuns, pining little librarians and other assorted weirdoes would eventually have to give Negi 'The Talks', plural. The ones about girls, sexuality, dating, loss, betrayal, death, etc. She half-suspected that Asuna would have to do all that at some point, since he seemed to be going through the practicals earlier than he should but still…

She did not want to have to be the one to need to explain Eureka to him.

So she delegated.

"Chachamaru? If you please?"

----------------------------------------

They'd managed to hitch a ride with the sheriff to Café Diem, the only eating place in town and– lacking a mall, theme parks, and movie theaters– what was basically the place where everyone socialized. Negi, Hakase and Chachamaru took over a corner table while the sheriff went to the counter to get some coffee.

Negi stared at the cup of milk tea the owner– Vincent, he recalled– had given him. Hakase was trying out a tray of meat buns, chewing it slowly as she looked at something only she could see, then taking notes on the taste– likely comparing it to Chao Bhao Zi's recipe. Chachamaru sat next to her, holding a steaming cup of coffee in her hands for appearances.

"Well…" he said slowly, finally wrapping his brain around the idea a little. "That explains the stack of forms I still have to fill up…" He paused, then brightened. "Do you think they have time machines here too? Or maybe dinosaurs?"

Ayaka was wrong, Hakase considered. Negi-sensei _was_ still a kid.

Still…

Unbidden, naturally mad-scientist-esque thoughts began to bubble out of the deep, dark places in Hakase's mind. Her research into robotic love _had_ been unfortunately interrupted… but there weren't likely to be any more interruptions now…

The mad scientist grin tried to claw its way out again, and Hakase hastily ate a meat bun to hide it. She was feeling pretty good about the world right now. She had a new high-paying– well, 'paying', anyway– almost as many resources in her disposal– and in some ways more– as when she was in Mahora, and there weren't any busy-body classmates who were likely to interfere–

A thought came to her that threw a cold bucket of liquid nitrogen on her plans.

– though she'd have to be careful not to get Chachamaru too mad or embarrassed and punch her out again…

----------------------------------------

**- To be continued...**

----------------------------------------

A/N: Kinda short, but I'm working on that…

So far, no one got the mage right, so here's a hint: the mage has something very mage-like, which hshows up on season three. Yes, the mage has _**CANNONICAL**_ support!

Please review, C&C welcome.

Until next time, this is Shadow, signing off.


	4. There Really Are Some Things GD Doesn't…

A/N: sorry it took so long. Enjoy! TvTropes, dattebayo!

...

Eureka no Mahou Sensei

by Shadow Crystal Mage

Chapter 4: There _Really_ _**Are**_ Some Things GD Does Not Do…

Disclaimer: I don't own Negima or Eureka. I wish I did, but I don't…

...

_At the Carter Household…_

SARAH's airlock opened as Negi came back in from his early morning warm-up and kata. "Thank you, Sarah!" he greeted the smart-house as he skipped his way towards his room to get dressed for work.

With practiced ease, Zoey intercepted him, turning him towards the bathroom and throwing a towel in after him. After the first day he'd tried to go to school stinking of sweat, Zoey had taken the liberty of making sure he took a bath. SARAH supervised. Jack quite intelligently just stayed out of the way.

"SARAH, raise the volume please," he said, and the game on the TV got louder, all the better to blur out the yells about how "he was a teacher!".

Negi sulked slightly as he came down from his room, pulling on the jacket of the green suit, but brightened quickly as he saw breakfast. He skipped down the rest of the way, cheerfully vaulting onto one of the kitchen stools and pouring milk into his bowl. It was a strangely reassuring domestic scene. Jack loved his daughter, he really did, but there was something about watching the young boy happily eating cereal and pouting childishly at Zoey that made him feel strangely paternal.

He considered this, and resolved to get therapy in case he had issues.

...

Hakase wondered if any other the other people in Eureka ever had problems with their live-in robot assistant/daughter being pissed at them. If they did, she didn't think she'd be taking their advice any time about it soon, though. These people had no common sense.

From someone who might or might not have literally sold her soul to science, that's saying something.

"I said I was sorry," she tried again, hurrying to keep up with Chachamaru, who was striding ahead of her in a definitely-not-pissed-off pissed off sort of way. "If you want, we won't use the proto-type. You shouldn't have to use it if you don't want to, after all." Einstein, was she actually saying all this?

"Why should I object?" Chachamaru said, not slowing down one bit. "Should you wish to rent me out after my consciousness has been transferred to the anatomically correct dermaplasted proto-type, that is your decision."

Hakase reiterated to herself to _NEVER_ discuss Chachamaru's external upgrades in public again. Those boys had been quite lewd and obnoxious, talking about 'renting out' Chachamaru as if she wasn't right there listening to every word! Thank goodness for Sheriff Carter, who was apparently disturbed enough by the idea to cite them for Lewd Conduct, or whatever it was he used as an excuse to toss them into his jail cell.

She sighed. Wasn't it enough she'd already gotten lectured by Dr. Blake about how they were not supposed to do any sort of H-related R&D that couldn't be packaged as happy pills?

She really hoped Negi-sensei didn't hear about this. She really didn't want to explain.

...

Vincent liked Eureka. It was the most interesting place to live he could think of, it let him practice his art with no restrictions, and every day was a new adventure!

"Sheriff Carter, what's a Sexaroid?"

Especially, Vincent considered as he– like everyone else in Café Diem– stopped choking on his tongue, since that child-teacher had come to town.

"W-what?" Sheriff Carter said as he mopped up his spilled coffee, wincing at the heat. "Where'd you hear _that_ from? Allison, we're not doing any weird research for Dubai again, are we?"

"N-no," Dr. Blake said, wiping up her own mess. She turned to Negi, with that complicated look adults wear when a child asks them a very awkward question. "Why do you ask?"

"I overheard a few of my students talking about it and wondered if it was a technical term I should know about," Negi said. "They were saying something about renting an hour…?"

Dr. Blake dropped her face into her hands. "Hakase," she muttered. "It has to be. After I told her not to…"

"Dr. Blake?" Negi inquired, looking concerned. People had to resist the urge to go "Awwwwww, SQUEEEEEEEEEEEE!" at the sight. "Did Hakase do something wrong? Did she make an illegal robot army?" Beat. "Again?"

"'_Again_'?" Sherif Carter mouthed

"No, nothing like that," Dr. Blake said, seeming to consider her words. "It sounds like she's been doing research that I've recently talked to her about that she's forbidden to do."

Negi blinked at her. "Um, I haven't been a teacher long, Dr. Blake, but I know enough to know that's the fastest way to make them actually _do_ it."

"Yes," Dr. Blake said, overtones of irony in her voice. "I realize that _now_. "

...

It took a lot of knocking before someone opened the door to Hakase's new house. When the door eventually opened, Chachamaru faced them across the threshold, completely without clothes. One breast seemed slightly lopsided. She scanned the visitors calmly, finally reached Negi, went red, and slammed the door shut in their faces.

Sheriff Carter and Dr. Blake exchanged 'significant glances' as Negi blinked in confusion. "Oh. It looks like Chachamaru's having her diagnostics done. "

The door opened again, and Chachamaru reappeared, a hastily donned shirt covering her torso now. "Negi-sensei, Sheriff, Dr. Blake. I apologize for my state of dress. Would you please come in?"

They entered the house, which seemed to be fighting a losing battle between chaos and order. Chachamaru was obviously taking care of the place, and Hakase was just as obviously living there. Random clothes were strewn about, many of it underwear, much to Negi's embarrassment. Chachamaru picked up a basket and began picking up the clothes. "What can I do for you?" she asked as she worked.

The adults exchanged looks while Negi helped tidy up. "Uh, yeah. There are rumors going around…"

Chachamaru froze. It was quite startling, really, given how full of, well, _life _she usually was. "I see," she said. For some reason, she glanced at Negi. "Hakase is still in the basement analyzing my diagnostic data. This way."

The place the basket on the sofa and led them to the basement.

Hakase was looming over a laptop, a strange device on her back, with overpwereed looking arms, and looked so heavy it should have broken her little pencil legs. "Oh, good, you're back Chachamaru," she said without looking up. "Okay, I took Evangeline's measurements out of the records, and I'm pretty sure I have the spare parts to build you a smaller body in between work and class. We could try putting your exoderm prototype on it, get you used to it, and if we optimize it for speed, you won't need so much armor, which means I could work on getting it anatomically correct. How big a bustline do you want on this one? Personally, I think we should make it bigger, since we'd have more space that way, but it's your call. I won't be the one using this to seduce–"

"Hakase, Dr. Blake, the Sheriff and Negi-sensei are here," Chachamaru said, a bit more loudly than she needed to.

Hakase whirled, the arms on her backpack flailing wildly like some kind of mechanical kewpie doll. Now that she wasn't blocking the screen, they could clearly see the plans for what looked like a child-sized robot. The heading read, in convenient expositiory blueprint fashion, 'H-capable Chachamaru Loli Unit V1'.

Negi frowned. "What's 'H'?"

Hakase paused, and stared at the ceiling. "I miss Chisame. She knew what to say when things like this came up." She looked down to meet the gazes of Dr. Blake and the sheriff. "I swear this isn't what it looks like."

"Really?" Dr. Blake said, giving the laptop a sarcastic glance. "Because it looks like you're trying to build–" she glanced at Negi "– something you're not supposed to."

"It's not for me!" Hakase said.

"We don't really care about your sexual preferences, Miss Hakase," Dr. Blake said. "But I'm afraid this isn't the sort of thing we build in GD." She paused, then added conscientiously, "At least, not the sort of thing we want built in GD."

"Hakase, what's going on?" Negi asked.

"Nothing that concerns you, Negi-sensei," Hakase said as kindly as she could. "Could you please go?"

Nagi frowned. "As one of my students, I have a responsibility to–"

"We'll be talking about feminine stuff," Hakase interjected.

Negi froze. "Well, I have some papers to grade! I'll see you at home, sheriff!"

He ran back upstairs.

Carter stared at Hakase. "You threatened him with 'feminine stuff'?"

Hakase shrugged. "He used to have two girls as roommates for more than a year."

Dr Blake glared at Hakase. "I thought we discussed this."

Hakase sighed. "This is going to be a long night…"

...

**- To be continued...**

...

A/N: Currently not too inspired, but I figured this chap would be good for a laugh…

Please review, C&C welcome.

Until next time, this is Shadow, signing off.


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